Nugget Diner: Bacon for vegetarians.

Another trip to the Nugget Diner! I like to get an early start on weekends, so at 2:01 PM on Saturday I plodded into the Nugget Diner for breakfast. The diner was moderately full, about average for a midday Saturday. I got seated right away, then the waitress came over and said something to the effect of "I have to go get a shake started" and walked off. She eventually came back and took my order. I didn't ask about the shake and she didn't mention it again. I guess it worked out OK for her.

When I first visited the Nugget Diner, it was the veggie omelet that brought me there. I guess if you're some kind of vegetarian who only eats chickens before they hatch, this is the omelet you would get. Having tried the quasi-vegetarian way many times, today I ordered it again . . .      but with bacon.

Bacon can make your breakfast. I've cooked breakfast burritos at home with and without bacon, and without bacon it's kind of like trying to make a funny analogy when you're not clever. It's just not as good.



The veggie omelet was as good as it always is, then even better because it had the bacon. The slight wateriness comes with the vegetable-packed veggie omelet territory. I can't excuse the cheese on top of the omelet as readily. Everyone knows that cheese belongs inside the omelet, not on top. And while I'm complaining, the hash browns were cooked just to the precipice of doneness. 30 seconds less and they would have been undercooked. And, AND, I have a complaint about the syrup for the waffle.

The waffle itself was crispy and tasty as usual. Like being open 24 hours, serving waffles is another Nugget Diner exclusive (as far as I know as I'm writing this). My complaint isn't with the waffle. It's with the syrup. The syrup they put on the waffles is fake. To show you how hip I am, I will now describe the syrup as being "as fake as Heidi Montag." With that mercifully out of the way, let's see what's in this "Breakfast Syrup."

It's made by Smucker's. Your first clue that the ingredients are a more midwestern corn field than Vermont maple forest is the name "Breakfast Syrup." It's like Bac-Os — if the product's name craftily avoids what should be the main ingredient, you're probably getting ripped off. You should know better than to expect real bacon from a plastic jar anyway.

Here are the ingredients, listed in order:

• CORN SYRUP
• HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP
• WATER
• ARTIFICIAL FLAVOR
• SALT
• CARAMEL COLOR

Not so hot. But I'm more willing to forgive this than I am the fake butter. Grease is so fundamental to breakfast that using substitutes is wrong. This syrup tastes OK, I guess, and isn't as important as the grease. I'll give them a pass on this. But really, why not use the real stuff? Is it that much more expensive? I hope at least the eggs are real.

While you are clamoring to read more, this will have to do. Sydney White is on Lifetime right now. Oh, one last thing - my toast (the raisin nut bread) was buttered on both sides. Not only would this toast never land on the ground (see the Buttered Cat paradox), it also makes me wonder if they just dip the toast into a bucket of (fake) butter.