Hollandaise Horror: Inundated Eggs Benedict

Benedict Arnold

No discussion of eggs Benedict is proper without some kind of subtle reference to Benedict Arnold. Contrary to popular belief, Benedict Arnold did not invent eggs Benedict. Rather, he invented Hollandaise sauce and the chicken.

Which brings us to today.

I've had eggs Benedict at three diners in Carson: the Nugget Diner, Mom & Pop's 3^rd and Carson Diner, and The Grille at Gold Dust West casino. (Technically, at The Grille I had "Gold Dust Benedict.") When you're in Carson and in the mood for a pretentious-sounding breakfast, where should you go?

As an aside: These reviews don't contain in-depth remarks on eggs. Eggs are part of the name of eggs Benedict, so it's ironic that I won't really discuss the eggs here. It's more likely that it's just ignorant or incompetent, but calling it ironic makes me feel like a real writer. The truth is that the eggs are just about identical in all of the eggs Benedict I've tried, and not remarkable in any of them. They're just good enough to be ignored. Incidentally, the same level I've aspired to in most areas of my life.

Nugget Diner
Now that I'm paying attention, I've noticed that the Nugget Diner isn't cheap. The eggs Benedict breaks the bank at $7.75, and the English muffin alone will make you believe that price is too extravagant.

The Nugget Diner eggs Benedict features an English muffin that has a sour flavor and a consistency that's doughy yet dry. This is a tragedy, as the muffin serves two crucial purposes. It's not only the literal foundation for the rest of the dish, but also balances the salt and sauces that cover it. Eggs Benedict built on a bad English muffin is a house built on sand.

I had no complaints about the sliced ham or the poached egg, but my heart wasn't in it anymore. The rest of the ingredients couldn't save this breakfast. At this point I wasn't paying much attention to the ham. This was before I had eggs Benedict at Pop's. Since eating at Pop's and learning that it's possible to screw up the ham on eggs Benedict, it's something I notice. More on that later.

On top of this breakfast was way, way too much Hollandaise sauce. The subpar muffins and their average toppings were awash in Hollandaise like Boston's North End in 1919. Except it wasn't molasses. Or Boston. But it was three AM and I saw what I saw, OK?? I'm scarred. And I paid $7.75 for that.

Final Analysis: I ate it, but that's not saying much. Not worthy of the praise garnered by the other Nugget Diner choices.

Pop's, or "Is that bread?"
That was the question from across the table upon seeing the ham in my eggs Benedict. The slabs of ham were enormous. In area, they were probably twice the size of the muffin, and in thickness, apparently comparable to a slice of bread. If you like ham, you'll probably love the eggs Benedict at Pop's. Unless you hate English muffins, eggs, and Hollandaise sauce. But in that case you'd be an idiot for ordering eggs Benedict.

The Pop's eggs Benedict also suffered from North End syndrome. Even with an assist from some extra toast, there wasn't enough starch to soak up the sauce and egg yolk puddle. Resorting to the home fries was a complete waste of time and effort. While good, the home fries are not absorbent.

Pop's did get the English muffin right, and overall it wasn't a bad breakfast. And I guess I learned something: too much ham with breakfast can be a bad thing.*

Final Analysis: HAMHAMHAMHAMHAMHAMHAMHAMHAMHAMHAM. If you can get past that, it's not too bad.

*Does not apply to bacon.

The Grille
This was my first dining experience at Gold Dust West's "The Grille" diner. Coffee may have been 9¢ more than at the Nugget Diner, but the eggs Gold Dust Benedict was only $5.99! Not to mention that they bring a carafe of coffee and you can refill at your leisure. Well worth the extra nine cents in my book.

The Grille scored big points with me on this visit with the quality of their eggs Benedict. Everything that the Nugget Diner and Pop's collectively got wrong, The Grille got right.

The English muffin was good, the ham was thinly sliced and not overwhelming, and the sauce was the best of the three. This was also the only place where it looked like the cook hadn't accidentally upended the Hollandaise sauce bucket over my plate. I was impressed. The hash browns on the side did the rest of the plate justice. More on those hash browns and The Grille's breakfast burrito in a later review.

Final Analysis: The best eggs Benedict, even if they're not called that on the menu.

There you have it. When the question is "Eggs Benedict in Carson?" the answer is "That is a sentence fragment. That is not even a question." Goodnight!